Mitt, Mitch, and Mama Grizzlies
It all happened so fast, didn’t it? One day the Republican party was a sober group of guys in suits and ties, wearing polished wingtips and tasteful toupees. Now…it seems like practically overnight…those guys (now known as “the Establishment’) are flanked by another group consisting of seventeen guys in a clown car, wearing fright wigs, floppy shoes and polka dot pants, playing kazoos and spraying seltzer on the voters. This group is called the “Tea Party.”
I’ve been so mesmerized by this startling evolution, I’ve failed until now to think what it portends for the future. In the immediate future, of course, these disparate groups have to contend an election together, which is going to be fascinating enough. But immediately after that, they need to start mounting a presidential run and think about fielding a candidate.
Which side will produce that candidate, do you think? Just ponder it for a moment. After a campaign filled with bright shiny objects like professional wrestling, threats of gunfire, dark warnings about masturbation, the great UN bicycle takeover, a bearded Ivy-leaguer who wrestles grizzly bears barehanded, and Rand Paul’s really weird perm… are Republican voters going to have any interest in a bland, safe Tim Pawlenty, a clean-cut Mitch Daniels or a slicked-back Mitt Romney with his doleful talk about deficits and incentives? Aren’t they just going to crave more sex, drugs and rock’n’roll? Those things are all kind of addictive, you know. (Well, maybe not sex. Sorry Ms O’Donnell, I spoke without thinking. I will try to control myself in future.
No, after this colorful, rowdy, rollicking campaign, I think the die is cast for the presidential run.. The GOP will not come from the boardroom set. It will come from the clown car.
And who is the Chief of Clowns? Who is, in fact, the driver of the clown car? Could it be… will it possibly turn out to be…
Yes, I’m really beginning to think it’s going to happen. The Dem’s fondest wet dream (oops, memo to self…check with Ms O’Donnell to find out if erotic dreams are also forbidden…the left’s fondest fantasy is turning into a reality. We are going to get our dream candidate.
Be still my heart!